EIU Counseling Clinic

Grief & Loss

What is Grief?

Grief is the natural response to loss when someone close to you dies, or even after other kinds of significant loss (e.g. relationships ending, change of identity, loss of home or routine). It involves emotional, physical, social, and sometimes spiritual reactions. Everyone’s experience is different, and there is no “right way” to grieve.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Grief can feel overwhelming, confusing, and exhausting, but you don’t have to go through it alone. EIU is here for you: whether through support, counseling, creative outlets, or one of the many resources below, there are people who care and want to help you heal. Your feelings are valid. You deserve support.

The Stages of Grief

Grief doesn’t always follow a neat linear path. But many people find it helpful to know some of the common “stages” or experiences. These can overlap, go back and forth, or show up in different orders.

Remember: you might go through some of these multiple times. Some stages may be strong, others lighter. Some may not feel relevant. That’s okay.

“In shock your actions are mechanical. You do what you have to do. In suffering your actions are forced by convention or by your own restlessness. But in recovery, your actions are by your own free choice.” (Kreis & Pattie, 1969).

The process of grieving in response to a significant loss requires time, patience, courage, and support. The grieving person will likely experience many changes throughout the process. Greif can be portrayed by physical, behavioral and cognitive symptoms. Often, grief is accompanied by periods of fatigue, loss of motivation or desire for things that were once enjoyable, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, confusion, preoccupation, and loss of concentration.

Ways to Cope With Grief

Here are strategies that many students find helpful. You don’t have to do all of them. Take a moment: pause and notice how you’re feeling, emotionally, physically. Try what feels right for you.

• Reach Out & Share
  Talk with friends, family, roommates, or mentors. Sharing what you’re going through can lessen the isolation that grief often brings.

• Counseling
  EIU Counseling Clinic is here for you. You can schedule an appointment to talk about how you are affected by grief.

• Join a Support Group
  Being with others who are grieving can help you see you’re not alone, offer empathy, and share coping tools.

• Express Yourself
  Journaling, drawing, music, poetry, or other creative outlets can help you process complex feelings.

• Routine & Self-Care
  Try to keep sleep, nutrition, and movement as regular as possible. Physical well-being supports emotional healing.

• Mindfulness & Relaxation Practices
  Meditation, deep breathing, yoga, or even walks in nature can help calm overwhelming feelings.

• Honor the Memory
  Rituals such as creating a memory book, planting a tree, doing something meaningful in honor of who/what was lost.

• Set Small Goals
  In times of grief, even small tasks (getting out of bed, attending class, cooking a meal) can feel huge. Recognize even small steps as progress.

• Avoid Negative Coping
  Be cautious about using alcohol, drugs, or avoidance (e.g. bottling up feelings) . This can delay or complicate healing. 

When to Seek Extra Help

It’s totally normal for grief to feel overwhelming. But if you notice any of the following, it might help to reach out:

• Thoughts that are persistently intrusive or distressing.

• Difficulty functioning in daily tasks (classes, self-care, relationships) for several weeks.

• Intense guilt, shame, or self-blame that doesn't lessen.

• Feeling hopeless, or having thoughts of harming yourself.

• Physical symptoms (sleep loss, appetite change, severe fatigue) that persist.

Resources

You are not alone. There are many supports & organizations here to help.

Approaching Professors After a Loss

There may be times when a student’s reaction to a loss necessitates a conversation and action between a student and their professors. The following list of suggestions is intended to help you successfully open the lines of communication with faculty in ways that will result in the achievement of your academic goals.

• Start the discussion: Approach faculty as soon as you become aware that meeting existing expectations under your current circumstances will be difficult. While students frequently avoid what they fear will be a difficult discussion, faculty would much rather help you navigate challenges and struggles as they occur and explore possible alternatives.
• Remember that professors may provide alternative solutions: Discussions with faculty often yield results that will surprise you. What initially seemed like a hopeless situation may be resolved in a manageable compromise.
• Prior to meeting with your professor, consider solutions and timelines that you think may be viable options: This demonstrates your intent to be responsible and to complete the work required. “Incompletes” are often reasonable accommodations in the event of a crisis.
• If you’re apprehensive about showing up for office hours, email your professor first: Briefly outline your situation and indicate your desire to discuss how to proceed with meeting their expectations of you for that class.
• Follow through with the plan and stay current with assignments: Keep your professors advised of your progress and let them know of any need to deviate from the established plan. Professors are normally very willing to work with students whom they know are trying.
• For help navigating this process with your instructor, reach out to EIU Dean of Students Office. The EIU Dean of Students is dedicated to helping you navigate your college experience and can help you communicate with your instructors. Reach out to them at 217-581-3827.

Recommended Reading

Death, The Final Stage of Growth. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1975 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth

On Death and Dying. New York: MacMillan, 1969 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth

When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York: Schocken Books, 1981 Kushner, H.S.